The Candy Bar Salad

“Oh, I only had a salad.”

This translates into “I basically didn’t eat”. Easy there, girlfriend. If your salad involved any of the following: cheese, creamy dressing, ANYTHING fried, croutons, “candied” (i.e. coated in sugar) bits, bacon, mayonnaise, a heavy dose of nuts, or any other fatty meat product, you have to face the sad truth. You had a Candy Bar Salad.

Beware! The Candy Bar Salad lurks everywhere.

Beware! The Candy Bar Salad lurks everywhere.

The Candy Bar Salad is a phenomenon that is taking over the world. Or restaurants, anyway. They are EVERYWHERE. In fact, it is quite difficult to find a salad that isn’t a Candy Bar Salad. Look at the menus of Applebees. Chillis. Fridays. Candy Bar Salads. Candy Bar Salads. Candy Bar Salads.

You do not want a Candy Bar Salad. They are full of fat and calories and salt and general badness. If you’re going to consume that, wouldn’t you rather have it be in the form of a juicy burger?

These salads are everywhere because they taste better than plain lettuce. This is not shocking news. But don’t let yourself be tricked! You can get up to the 800-1000 calorie world preeeetty quickly with one of these salads. If you’re cool with that, fine. But if you’re not, here is your out-to-lunch game plan:

Order a BIG garden salad. A garden salad only has vegetables. This is good. THIS is the what you had imagined when you said “I only had a salad”. Get some grilled chicken on that baby (or some steamed fish!), and repeat after me—“Can I get that dressing on the side?” And not that blue cheese or caesar or god forbid ranch on the side, either. Get that balsamic, fat free Italian, or some such thing on the side.


Now THAT is more like it.